Building a Parenting Agreement That Works by Mimi Lee;

Author:Mimi Lee;
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: MH Sub I. LLC

When you establish conditions, be sure to clearly say what the consequence for violating a condition will be and what needs to happen for visits to resume.

Undermining the Parent-Child Relationship

Issue 30: Undermining the Parent-Child Relationship

Children generally know, or can sense, when one parent is uncomfortable with their relationship with the other parent. When parents cry out in frustration, “You are just like your (mother/father) when you do that,” children hear this as a warning that both they and the other parent possess a “bad” character trait or personality flaw.

Some parents try to undermine their children’s relationship with the other parent in a more direct manner. For example, one parent might force the children to listen to lectures about the other parent’s faults. Or a parent might try to prevent (or punish) the children from talking to, spending time with, or accepting gifts from the other parent.

In some instances, a parent might physically inspect the children upon each return, looking for evidence of mistreatment. Unless you have real reasons for suspecting child abuse, do not examine your children in this way. You are likely to instill real, yet unwarranted, fear in your children that they must worry about their safety when they are with the other parent.

Whether the undermining efforts are indirect or direct, the effect on your children is the same. They will be torn between a desire to love both parents and the need to earn approval by saying they love one parent and hate the other.

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